Carnal Carnival
Tuesday, August 7 : 3:26 AM : 0 comments :
Oh yeah, we went to Vegas recently. It was Razor Ramon's bachelor party; and Kat's bachelorette. It's the first real bachelor party I've been to -- and will probably ever go to. I mean, I'd normally decline bachelor party debauchery but for Ryan, I sucked it up. Did I mention I hate Vegas? Oh wait, I always say that. I find myself being a repeating record recently. I like to perpetually broadcast that I dislike something. Vegas, dim sum, crowds, people, all those in combination, etc. I should work on being more positive. The term "Daddy Downer" is really starting to apply to me. Except for that "daddy" part.Anyway, since I can't reveal any details about the Vegas trip -- male code of honor, what stays in vegas, blah blah -- I must instead present my argument for why I'm anti-strip club. For some reason, certain people on the trip kept saying that I was anti-breasts. For the record, I'm not anti-breasts just because I'm anti-strip club. It's not an A plus B equals C kind of thing. Or double EE equals MC squared or whatever. I'm not even sure how this rumor started but I'll roll with it; I think they were joking about the whole fear of breasts thing anyway. I think.
To start, ever since I was a young boy, I've managed to consistently avoid certain potholes on the path to manhood. An obsessive need to see naked women for example. Or how to effectively lift jugs of water. Or how to use power tools without panicking. Completely swerved off the road when those stops came around. But let's not talk about my shortcomings and instead focus on the positives.
At sixteen (or eighteen or twenty one or anything) I wasn't trying to find the nearest naked lady and hang around her. This applied to paid or unpaid naked ladies. It's uncomfortable enough at that age being around girls who are splashing their assets all over the place; why put yourself into a situation where a roomful of guys are all lusting after the same thing? Unless it's tech or geek related, it's super weird. Nothing's gayer (excuse the term) than fifteen guys sitting around watching one girl get naked.Nothing existentially screams "loser" more than knowing that the only way you could get this close to a super hot girl is by paying her. I prefer to keep the super hot girls in my life at a distance. Or maybe that's the other way around.
My main point is: naked people should be naked alone. It's like your intimate relationship with God. Everyone can know you have one, but is it really necessary to have an audience? Not really -- especially an audience of your guy friends? I'm losing my train of thought here. I almost wish I had a religious conviction to explain my stance on strip clubs. But I'm not religious so that easily defendable reason is out the window.
Jon's top reasons to avoid strip clubs and strippersI can't even really figure out the whole relationship ethics of strip clubs. Okay, so wait, I'm not allowed to talk to my female friends when they are -- and have always been -- fully clothed, but I am allowed to see random strangers strip for me? Where does this fit into the whole scheme of things? Are strip clubs allowed in relationships because it's a traditional thing? If I push cuddle buddies harder and market it better, would that become an acceptable relationship activity? Could married people then cuddle with strangers and have no repercussions? Where's the line here?
(1) It's degrading to women; but I have no real logical argument here, I just think it is
(2) It's gay; contrary to its manly connotation
(3) It's apparently very expensive
(4) You can't touch anything; I'm a tactile person, curiosity skins the hand and gets you slapped (or beat up)
(5) It's super uncomfortable; the situation and physically
All in all, I had a great time in Vegas this time around. My favorite story is how we had to reject strippers that were hired to the room because they were too ugly. This happened twice. In a row. Ordering strippers ala carte from street ads is apparently a bad way to go; especially at 2am when all the "good" strippers are already out and about. I kind of felt bad for them actually. What kind of blow to the self-esteem is it for a girl to be rejected from taking her clothes off? Ouch.
"Trent, the beautiful babies don't work the midnight to six shift on a Wednesday, this is like the skank shift."
-Swingers-
