Air & Space
Wednesday, January 2 : 12:21 AM : 0 comments :
It scares me when people say "Oh I've been doing this so-and-so for five years..." It makes me feel at once like I've done nothing for any extended period of time and also makes me feel like they really need to get out. Any period of time over two years seems incredibly long. That's two seasons worth of holidays and birthdays.I have a theory that most things have a lifespan of two years before they either fall apart or fade away. Friendships, social circles, relationships, what have you. Of course, this theory is proven wrong by everyone else on the daily so pretty much it's just my inability to keep things intact for two years that is the problem. It's always me and not you. Sucks, doesn't it?
2007 was supposed to be the "Year of the Yang." It really wasn't, not by a long shot. That catchy little slogan was supposed to encompass turning over a new leaf -- ostensibly relationship wise -- but both Yangs are currently single and the outlook for the upcoming year is "hazy with a chance of rain." The cornerstone of my new relationship philosophy was a commitment to commitment but really the only thing I could commit to was myself -- as always. I'm all the happier for it but the fallout wasn't pretty. I'd like to resolve to stop ruining other people's lives through my actions; just mine should be plenty.
Two years ago, Time Magazine's Person of the Year was "You," to celebrate communities springing up online and taking advantage of blogging, social networks, Wikipedia, and other collaborative tools to seize control. Well, 2007 turned out to be the Year of Me. I mean, I had a super duper year, didn't you?
I traveled, I got to do a few blog talks with my book, I got another book deal (incredibly), I got a job that paid me salary, I saw many friends that I hadn't seen in far too long. I met muses everywhere I went. Every wedding I went to this year was a hit. I paid most of my bills on-time and by myself. It's like I'm nearly grown up or something.
For the upcoming year, the thing to do is to keep the momentum going forward. I'd like to self-publish a few things, just for kicks. Ameer's sister made him hand-bound copies of his blog and it looks amazing; I need to do that. I'd like to make mini-documentaries with a camcorder I've yet to purchase. I'd like to return to basketball shape. I'd like to accumulate some savings. I should probably graduate.I'd like to be a better friend. I'd like to make new friends. I'd like to think that by the time I turn 30 in September, I'd have been able to put some distance between my 20s. I also think I really need to focus and become a real writer this year, whatever that may mean -- more writing, better writing, classes, workshops, dedication, motivation, all of it. It would be nice to acquire a new skill too.
This year I came to terms with God, more or less.
I finally opened my eyes (even if briefly) and saw some insecurities and issues that I've always turned a blind eye to. There's a whole world of things I feel like I learned this year but I'm still working through them, privately and at some point, publicly. There's an amazingly supportive email that I received eight months ago that I've as of yet been unable to reply to. I want to, but I'm not sure how.
I thought I tied up a few loose ends this year, but I'm realizing I just thought I did -- or maybe I've just done it on my end without letting the other party know exactly. I learned a hell of a lot about trust this year. Mainly the giving of it by other people to me. One person in particular really kind of stunned me with his trust. I think there's lots of unresolved issues still there but then again, maybe there ain't. Comme ci, comme ca.
In the end, I'd like to be less a caricature and more of a fully formed person. If that makes any sense. We're all in danger of losing touch with ourselves and each other; but I say that in a really hopeful way. I think that's the story of 2007. At least that's how I'll think of it.
"What happened is that um, I kinda got this arcane glimpse of the universe and the best thing I can say about that is... I don't know."
-Reality Bites-
