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friday, february 28astra starfall. yet another children's story. bite me.[ brian krakow | 5:47 PM | ] let's get it crunk, we gon' have fun thursday, february 27we used to do this thing, my friend justin and i. we would assign girls numbers. not rankings mind you, this was middle school after all, boys don't get all objectifying until high school. anyway, we would talk about girls in numbers. like, 111, 1910 or the most famous, 132. 132 was the start of the whole thing. because we didn't want other people to know which girls we were talking about we assigned girls code numbers based on a simple system. take the first letter of their first name, give them the relevant alphabetical number (13). do the same thing with the last name (2). thus we end up with 132 as MB, or, melissa bruce. from here we were free to talk about "132" as much as we wanted, without blowing our cover. the thing we realized soon after is that nobody really cared what we were talking about because we were dorks. whether we were dorks before or after this whole numbering system is up for debate but what's the use of a secret girl code when nobody is eavesdropping anyway? ah, middle school, the memories.and what does it feel like for a girl to be wearing clothes that are skin tight? it must be very strange. to have clothing that hugs every curve and every part of the body. jeans that have to slip on perfectly, shirts that klingon. most guys don't really know this feeling. we have to wear baggy shit. how restricting and odd it must be to have to wear clothes that stretch taut over the skin. and how about when girls have to wear clothes that bare lots of skin? damn. how weird is that feeling? guys generally show just a little bit of skin and the rest is buttoned up. but girls with their spaghetti tops and daisy dukes have to bare it all. what a breezy feeling. i am in no way complaining about either of these phenomenon but it's so weird. [ brian krakow | 6:29 PM | ] think about it, taking one (or two) weeks out of the your normal hectic life to traverse the terrain of america, stopping off at coffee shops to throw down some talent. are the hicks ready for this? this will be stand by me with less standing. the sound of music with less hills. the incredible journey, minus the dogs and cat. it's this or an expensive pre-packaged tour to a touristy area. this must happen, at some point in life. jot it down. tonite was the first time i've seen the indomitable gene in public and on stage. hot monkey love in encinitas. heard alot about it but never been. tuesdays they have hip hop nite, wednesday is open mike, some day is chess tournament nite. what's not to monkey love? i miss the days of non-corporate coffee shops. the individual flavor of independent coffee shops needs to be captured into a coffee table book. whoila! brilliant! steal that idea and i kill you. steal the the great american coffee shop love movement and i'll sue you. or join you, depending on if i like you. i feel like i'm watching the beginnings of something big. like napolean bonaparte before he became just napolean, no last name. gene kim is to napolean bonaparte as napolean is to gene. some lady was doing quick sketches of the people in the coffee shop. she was pretty decent too. got a profile sketch of ameer, a simple eye, eyebrow and nose combination of hong and a full body sketch of gene. i wish i could draw. i wish i could do anything on stage. but there was a girl playing the flute with the musicians, that leads me to believe that with a little work i could become the floutist for independent coffee shops. i wonder if there's any money in that. who cares actually, i'm doing it for the love. tuesday, february 25excerpts from a paper i had to do in taoism class, explaining my world views in the style of chuang tzu. i failed miserably at imitating the chuang-er but the ideas still remain valid.reason. reason is the faculty that has led to man's greatest achievements. reason has removed us from mother earth's shackles, raised us above the animals and given us skyscrapers and super highways. superior intellect and logic is all that separates man from beast. advancing technology and organization harnesses the earth's resources and gives man increasing power over his environment. with this power man has carved out a kingdom for himself. why then do we attempt to revert to our baser instincts? disregard our gift of reason and listen to emotion? emotion is quaint and antiquated. the dog at my feet loves me when i feed him, fears me when i hit him. is he any worse off than the man that cries when struck and never wonders why? we are not creatures of instinct. we have evolved sensibilites and increased mental faculties. we are entirely capable of distinguishing what we need to do over what we would like to do. yet the heart is still treasured as a valuable resource, as a signifier of how we should really do things. "follow your heart" is as ambiguous as it is useless. to follow our hearts would leave us craving the next high, placing our lives in situations that might create an emotional high and thus happiness. the alternative, knowing what does and does not matter to you, would lead to a stable mindset and not expose us to the whims and fancies of our emotion. emotions are only the first gut instinct and are not true just because they are felt first. emotion is only our survival instinct protecting us from the carnivorous predators of yore, which no longer exist today. our logic and reason should lead us now and that reason should not be victimized or held back by the constraints of emotion. the notion of remaining "true to yourself" is faulty. being "true to yourself" is not following your emotions or your gut instincts, it is forming a vision of yourself and then striving mightily to achieve that. if we all succumb to our baser emotions many of us would be left to wander in the proverbial desert, waiting for the next high or low to provoke us into a reaction. children rise and fall on the crests of emotion. they are unable to rationalize or understand why they are being mistreated or disciplined. with time however, they gain control over their emotions and gain the ability to logically work out the "whys" of a particular situation. this transition indicates a maturation from childhood to adulthood. we can see their struggle to bring together a worldview apart from their emotion in every "why" that they ask. why did you do that? why is this bad? what should i do to make you love me? jealousy. we who look out with green eyed envy at the faces around us expose our insecurities, laundering and flashing them to the world. jealousy is the fear of being supplanted, apprehensive of losing affection or position. jealousy is binding ownership and constricting walls. jealousy creates slaves of its objects and demands attention and committment. jealousy supplants the rights of an individual and demands a power struggle between what is yours and what is mine. the face of jealousy is twisted and contorted, the eyes darting and probing. the mind of jealousy is fetid and putrid, scheming always to garner affection and influence. the caged bird is the symbol of jealousy, a creature built for the skies, blossoming on cerulean wings but cut off from its natural environment by unbending steel bars. the husband who seeks to bind his wife to him, taking her away to be caged, is cutting her off from the very world that she emerged from. when told that his wife was seen having dinner with a strange man, sebastian replied, "it is not my concern who her friends are, as long as i know that she loves me and will return at the end of the day to be with me, her affairs are hers." this is the ultimate refutation of jealousy, a trust that extends past the steel bars and releases the bird to fly about as it pleases. [ brian krakow | 6:22 PM | ] monday, february 24backbeat the word was on the street. the thing about having friends for many years is that you can see them change, and they can see you change, and you can cut out all the in-between BS. when you've seen a person go from elementary school to high school through to post-college, there isn't really anything they can do to hide how they are, how their natures are, how they used to be.at this point in friendship it's all about acceptance and understanding. one of the great things about everyone (meaning friends from here) splitting up to go to various schools across the country is that now everyone is back, in some permanent form or other. and now we are able to piece together and talk about what happened in those missing four-five years and how we've changed and grown and evolved. all without losing that sense of communal family and friendship. i never kept in regular contact with my sd people while in college or new york because i knew that anytime i came back to san diego, the feeling of ultra comfort would be the same. we slide right back into our patterns and our grooves and our ways of getting along. but along with that comfort is added a few new things, a few new perspectives, a few new "wow, i didn't know you were like that" type of deals. instead of verbally and physically getting to know someone, as you would at college, friends that you've known forever (like ten plus years, the so dubbed "ten-fers") are a part of you. you may not know exactly what they think all the time, what their opinions are, but you have a sense of having been around them, of having grown up with them. the pretenses are dropped and truth and humor and cutting edge sarcasm can come flinging out. it's also a time to gain a renewed appreciation for someone, not because you didn't appreciate them before but because the old perception of them is no longer relevant, or they've grown out of the way they were, or your initial impressions were way off anyway. it's a good and bad thing to have friends from way back. on one hand they know you, but on the other hand, they know you. so you can't get away with wack ass shit. which i guess is also a good thing. so really, having lifer friends is never bad. anyway, no idea where i'm going with this but thanks to george for hosting us this weekend and to vu for letting us crash at his place despite his not being there. all the weekend stuff, the eating, the driving, the wedding, the zooming in on virtual breasts, it was fun stuff. and that's an understatement. [pictures] [ brian krakow | 5:38 PM | ] the wedding was nice. the largest one i've been to yet. it was very special in the sense that this wedding was for someone that i'd known forever, someone i could recognize in four foot one and five foot ten versions. and he looked so happy, standing there, watching his bride walk down the aisle. josh used to tear around san diego in his little teal geo metro-- the car with less horsepower than your average washing machine. he used to be the asb president at mt carmel and everybody knew him. he was the reason i started going to fellowship in san diego. his was the floor that i crashed on many a summer night. he used to want to be president of the united states, and i would have been his "secretary of lumber," because my job would have been to sharpen his pencils (my aspirations haven't changed much as you can see). he used to wear bright red shoes to play football, and tackle like a freaking truck. and josh was always detail orientated, right down to planning bathroom breaks for prom. josh always had this energy about him and a magnetizing personality. not to mention a proclivity for ozzie smith and the smurfs. and now he's married. craziness. and congratulations. [pictures] friday, february 21hella-cious. this is it, our initial foray into the land of hella. my whole conception of "northern california" is biased against them not being "real californian." no sun, no beach, no mexican food, how can that be californian? but slowly i've come to terms with this no cal / so cal dichotomy. after all, my experiences in san francisco/san jose have been very few and i honestly don't know anything about the area. never been to berkeley, never been to stanford, never been to silicon valley, never seen the golden gate bridge, never been rained on constantly, none of that. but now, for josh's wedding, eight of us san diego-ites are rolling up to check it out. george has been up there for up to three years and i've never visisted her once. san francisco is supposed to be chill and filled with interesting liberal people but i've never experienced it firsthand.and people in LA or other parts of california sleep on san diego. paradise lies to the south by a mere two hours and yet it's dismissed as too far away or too boring. they don't know man, they don't know. saw the freaking largest lobsters ever at a chinese restaurant on pacific coast highway, near long beach, for victor's birthday. five dollars a pound for lobster and crab. good stuff. except crustaceans just take too much effort to eat. it's not worth all the cracking, the peeling, the prying, the scooping, the frustration. for a little piece of meat. i like lobster and all but it's not worth it. i need everything to be served up ready to eat within three seconds. does that make me prissy, spoiled or just in the know? i miss college apartment parties. there's too much clubbing nowadays. in college, just going over to an apartment and having fun was the flavor of the day, but that doesn't happen much post-college. except for maybe some mixers and soirees but that only happens in new york. one thing san diego doesn't got going on is a skyline. without an urban residential area, there aren't a lot of roofs and balconies and cool skylines. like from tien and co's rooftop. from there you feel like you own a part of the city, and the city owns a part of you. i love road trips. especially when i don't have to drive. [ brian krakow | 5:53 PM | ] thursday, february 20one degree of separation. in the book i'm reading, i'm at a spot talking about "connectivity." some people are connectors, these people know lots of people and serve as an introductory agent to two parties. the author mentions breaking down all the people he knows, all the friends and people in his life, and figuring out how he met them. for him, a good percentage of the people around him were introduced to him by one or two connectors.after reading this i decided to figure out where i met everyone i know, and through what person i know them from. yes, i have lots of free time. get over it. anyhow. he also talks about how people can usually identify what spheres they pull people from. for me, it's pretty easy, i only have two spheres: family friends (san diego) and college friends (michigan). i haven't lived that long, the spheres will increase i hope. anyway, i broke those spheres down into how i knew each individual and most of the people i know fall into three categories: family friends from childhood, ccf people and huaren/dance people. some variation does occur but surprisingly few. i wonder if this means i don't get out much, probably. aniwaise. my highest individual connector? james. with a league high of six people directed connected to me through him, he takes the proverbial cake. a medal will be conferred no doubt. leslie was also a key figure apparently, with a whopping four connections. i've also apparently only been responsible to myself for four people, kind of sad if you think about it. i guess that makes me not so adventurous. oh well, life goes on. so now that i've taken the time to do all this what have i learned? well, not that much. but it was interesting while it lasted. now you try! oh the point is, it's true, you meet people through people. unless you happen to be a people person and are just able to befriend random strangers. not i said the fly. nor me said the flea. shoot me. [ brian krakow | 3:59 AM | ] wednesday, february 19all over the world hearts pound with the rhythmfear not of men because men must die mind over matter and soul before flesh well, from my understanding people get better when they start to understand that, they are valuable and they not valuable because they got a whole lot of money or cause somebody, think they sexy but they valuable caause they been created by god and god, makes you valuable and whether or not you, recognize that value is one thing you got a lot of societies and governments tryin to be god, wishin that they were god they wanna create satellites and cameras everywhere and make you think they got the all-seein eye eh.. i guess the last poets wasn't, too far off when they said that certain people got a god complex angels for the pain keep a record in time [ brian krakow | 12:05 PM | ] tuesday, february 18i can plan my life. even months ahead. for example, on oh five oh two two thousand three i will be here, watching. my mom and i had dinner tonight. she asked me to plan something for the future. i've started already. go me. does the thought of colossus and nightcrawler on screen excite you? or is that just me?[ brian krakow | 10:29 PM | ] "why can't you share your bed? the most loving thing to do is to share your bed with someone...it's very charming. it's very sweet. it's what the whole world should do." "king of pop" michael jackson, admitting to sleeping in his bed with several chlidren who were not his own. "we were at war. they were an endangered species." north carolina rep. howard coble, on his belief that interning japanese-americans during world war ii was for their own protection. "look at who runs all the convenience stores across the country." north carolina rep. sue myrick, referring to arab-americans in talking about domestic security threats. "i'm white and she's puerto rican. that's what's underneath, although nobody says it because it's not politically correct." actor ben affleck, on his belief that the media fascinatio with him and fiancee jennifer lopez is race-related. thanks to newsweek. (1) explain why you started to journal/blog. in the beginning there was blog and with it, blogging. that's really all you need to know. plus it was cool to suck up free time throwing up words and designs and along the way learning basic html and other necessary computer functions. blogging was supposed to be about writing and creativity and connecting people. but now it's just about become religion. i believe in the beauty of blogging beyond anything else. there are no bad after effects to blogging. only good. sure it seems like a waste of time, a waste of thought, a waste of the world wide web, a public exposure of your darkest deepest thoughts. but it's this or television (amazingly i do lots of both, blog and tv. needless to say, i budget my time very expertly). oh yes. i starting blogging for world peace and for the children too. *wave smile* no, seriously. (2) do people you interact with day to day or family members know about your journal/blog? why or why not? most of the people i interact with know about my blog. mainly because i tell them about it, in an effort to garner conversions. "hey *insert name* you should blog!" "what's a blog?" "let me show you..." something like that. the conversion rate isn't quite one hundred percent yet but i have faith. i feel like having a whole wardrobe emblazoned with blogger or hyperwest apparel would help my cause. but venture capitalists are hard to convince nowadays in this weak economy. so for now i'll have to rely on word of mouth and grassroots movements. help me and convert those around you. my reach only extends so far. about two and a half feet to be exact. (3) do you have a theme for your journal/blog? talked about it already. world peace. it's the unseen, unheard, unwritten, read between the lines type of message. i don't talk much about world peace but it's there alright. if everyone would just put down their guns, egos, whatevers and blog about things, the world would be a far better place. remember, nobody gets killed in a blog war. another benefit is that by cruising enough blogs you can find people who you relate to, who have gone through what you're going through, can assure you that you are not alone. i am here with you. though we're far apart. you're always in my heart. michael don't lie. the theme is world peace. the motivation is world peace. the word of the day is worldpeace. (4) what direction would you like to have your journal/blog go in over the next year? i really want to take anachronic up to the next level. to a place where space and time collide (my poetry teacher said that "space and time doesn't collide" and that i should edit that part of an assignment. "too abstract" were her words). anachronic has been focused inwardly, with an eye toward observation and questions. i want to make some statements. come out and really say something. less asking, more opinions. i am through wondering how things work, now i'm ready to jump to hasty ill-formed conclusions about why things work a certain way. there needs to be some controversy, some investigative reporting, maybe a few dashes of excitement. i've been keeping my exciting actual life off these pages for so long i feel like i've been living a double life. by day i'm a wake up early get at them type of guy. by night i'm a dull blogger, trying to pretend my life is really boring so as to not make folks jealous. it's getting hard to separate the two, the worlds keep on colliding. just the other day i was caught doing something fun. i'm looking for a real convergence of my superhero/secret identity lives. look for the reality to meet fantasy and vice versa. or could that be versa vice? (5) pimp five of your favorite journals/blogs. ah, a variant of the age old "what is your favorite blog" question. old time philosophers would of debated heatedly on this topic if they had lived past the olden times. in order to inject some philosopher major credentials up in here i'll give a sampling of some blogs i like to read. princess melissa from the real world. she is just about the funniest damn person i've ever read. funny funny funny. can't say enough. the fact that she is funny and a public figure just makes her stories even funnier. six funnies is certainly good stuff. ordered chaos and escadawg. i know these people. have seen them in physical carbon form. plus i have their phone numbers in my cell phone. so when they blog something cool i can call them. not that i do. but i could. do ivy leaguers write better than the rest of us average schmoes? i dunno, read them and find out. girls are weird. just a dope site overall from a veteran of the online writing circuit. insightful, introspective, intriguing and armed with great musical taste to boot, it's a shame not all weird girls are like this. black eye sunrise is a site belonging to a guy who was in my poetry class. i stumbled upon his page recently and really admire his way with words. it just flows man, flows. and last of all, technicolor. newest addition to my blog readings. she's young but writes and insights way above her age. and she's mad funny too. freak. that's six blogs. oh well. i'm philosophy, not mathematics. there is no "i" in aristotle. oh wait... monday, february 17more chapel. more marriage. how do you sustain a friendship with someone post marriage? especially when you're only really friends with one half of the couple? especially if it's the opposite sex half? the quick and dirty answer is that "you don't." once they get hitched they are strictly a we thing. anything you tell her, you should be able to tell him, because she will anyway. but does this mean you can't meet up and hang out with married people on their lonesome anymore? of course not. but there are some delicate rules to follow i'm sure. i have an inkling of these actual delicate rules but i'm not coherent enough to write about them down now.it saddens me, to think that marriage could lead to the negation of a friendship. but it doesn't always have to be that way. does it? but it's definitely a big change. a huge change. and the dynamics and the hanging out of a friendship totally changes. it takes adaptation i suppose. but then again, doesn't everything? adaptation was a dope movie. strange and quirky and innovative. movie hop it. [ brian krakow | 4:11 AM | ] but seriously. people are getting married. i am now offically at "that age." that age where people around you get married. and call you about it and tell you to set a date aside in "late summer" or "sometime next year." it's freaky almost. any day now anyone could be like "hey, i'm getting married, save *a date*." if that doesn't freak you out, we're obviously different people. but you knew that. me and wedding registrie have become more than one time acquaintance, let's just say that. do you not marvel at what kinds of item sit on wedding registries? i do. i mean, i'm looking at the list of stuff and it's got all these household items. measuring pro teaspoon. rolling pin. sulllivan bed tray dark. stainless steel soapdish. quatro table lamp (actually that sounds intriguing). pro non-stick pan. get my point here? on the most momentous occassion of my friend's life i'm gonna give them a two gallon glass jar? with lid? what?!? does this not strike you as strange? if i handed you a freaking jar for your birthday wouldn't you be like..."gee, a jar. thanks jon. you're the best. *grumble grumble*" but that is what we do on wedding now, buy the happy couple some household item off the registry. it's for a noble cause of course, but it feels kind of weird. well, at least when josh sleep on his aerobed inflatable mattress he'll think of me. ugh. sorry josh. btw, this is in no way complaining about you crazy engaged kids. engage on, it's our time to shine. marriage is good for the soul. and more power to those who can find marriage in these times. i am truly very happy for all of you. just don't overdo it okay? my feeble heart can only take so many wedding announcements. i removed all the "s" plurals from this post. odd what it does isn't it? sunday, february 16war against apathy. i had a phone conversation with a friend who challenged me to educate myself. to open my ears, open my eyes, open my mind, and get knowledge about the war/anti-war debate. it's not that i don't have opinions about the subject, everybody has opinions, but there is a difference between an opinion and an educated opinion. my friend said that she couldn't have me "apathetic" on the issue. it meant too much. i confused her. because on one hand i know things, but yet with a glimpse of these things i don't dig any deeper. she wasn't asking for action or opinion or much of anything really. just to open myself up and go looking for knowledge and answers.i too have been thinking about this the past week. the concept of war and my feelings about it. every since reading about leslie and her attendance at an anti-war rally i've wondered if i would do the same. go to an anti-war rally. i don't believe in yelling "anti-war" just for the sake of it. war is bad, but some wars are necessary. is this war we're about to declare necessary? i don't know. george dubbya says it is. conservatives say it is. liberals scream bloody murder and trot out in protest and demonstration. i am neither a conservative nor a liberal. i fall somewhere in between. or rather, my thoughts find solace in both camps. i believe in capitalism and power to those who can grab it, but i flinch when i think about how the real world works. but this isn't really about being liberal or conserative or anything else. it's about paying attention to a world event. not for ego, not to sound smart, not for anything except to say that you live on this earth, in this country, in this neighborhood, and you need to keep abreast of what's going on. i know more about movies, mtv, espn, random strangers (through blogs) than i know about politics and the state of world affairs. this is not right. life is more than relationships, careers, families, money money money. it's also about trying to get a grasp of the times we live in. the actions and consequences that shape the way we live and interact. san diego is a military town, if we go to war, thousands of families will be affected. if we go to war, i may not be directed affected --me in my suburban home, three car garage and free laundry-- the closest i'll get to war (hopefully) is watching it on television. but people will go to war. i don't really care about the people dying. that's not as harsh as it might come across. what i mean is that i'm not swayed by the pictures of war torn countries, of starving babies, by any of that. it doesn't make me knee jerk anti-war. but i'm also not pro-war. but i'm not against the war. at least that's where i stand now. although i am prevented from standing anywhere by the weightlessness of my psuedo-knowledge. by not being against the war, i have to understand why my gut instinct is to say that. i should have some idea of why i might say that. or have some idea of why i may not really think that. what i need is to be educated. to be aware. be it through websites, newspapers, magazines, television and/or conversations with people. we are blessed to live in america. i am blessed to be living in suburbia. but to take ownership of humanity is to care. and even if you don't care, perhaps it's enough to just know. my friend challenged me to start by listening to a radio show hosted by amy goodman of democracy now. i will be trying to obtain knowledge, from the left and the right and all points in-between. this isn't class, this isn't religion, this isn't social. it's life. [ brian krakow | 3:01 AM | ] saturday, february 15slip slide dip then take a dive. planets lookin high when we travellin on a vibe. yesterday, on the day when couples hold hands and look couply, us single people united and made a foray to the movies. the biggest amc i'd ever seen --an amc thirty, dwarfing san diego's own amc twenty-- awaited us with a ten thirty showing of chicago (which was pretty good, i enjoyed the movie much more than the musical. in fact i hardly remembered the musical at all. having renee zellweger and catherine zeta jones in this one probably helped).i see now why orange county is the birthplace of alternative, ska and no doubt. we don't get lots of punk rock kids in san diego. at least i don't think so. san diego teenagers tend to be more beach culture-ish and less fashion coordinated, but every other teenager at the block was decked out in rock steady type duds. big flying hair, tight pants, mismatched yet complementary pieces of clothing, bad dye jobs, chains chains and more chains. i kind of liked it actually. lots of personality. i was following a "drink beer, worship satan" t-shirt for awhile. the man attached to that shirt was holding his wife's hand and their little daughter toddled along amiably in front of them. hurray for families. the block in general seemed like universal's city walk. huge storefronts with gaudy colors and enormous signs. if you haven't seen a fifty foot athlete's foot sign you really haven't lived. on a side note, who was the marketing genius that proposed a store name that had implications of fungus and nasty toes? whatever, they have a fifty foot sign, they hit the big time. i suppose the block is equivalent to our fashion valley, but punkier and more dramatic. fashion valley is just a normal mall built with oversized pastel legos, the block is akin to a mall having taken mario's mushrooms and gone supersized. i don't remember what i've ever done for valentine's day. something romantic at some point surely. contrary to popular opinion, i am not a total lout. do people really get sad on valentine's? i think only girls do. for guys it's a day to really get their game on, sometimes involuntarily. then again, there is no easier gift than flowers and chocolates. but nowadays you gotta take it "to the next level." flowers and chocolates are so cliche. it's like saying "hi honey, you're cliche. enjoy the chocolates." not that anyone should ever say "hi honey." ever. anyway, you gotta bring a little something extra to the table now so that when girls gossip they can ooh and ahh over your romantic innovations and stylings. the history of valentine's says that it was marked by "love notes, poems and simple gifts such as flowers." i'm all for sticking to the simplicity of the tradition. just flowers and notes. that's it. no more no less. if by some chance you are unfortunate enough to be my girlfriend, it doesn't mean you're cliche though. it just means that i'm simple. and sweet. keep that in mind. please. and valentine's day is also good for discerning the status of an acquaintance's relationship status. "so, doing anything for valentine's?" if the answer is "no" then chances are she's single. that's a tip boys, keep it to yourself and don't share with strangers. valentine's oh three was pretty decent for me. how was yours? [pictures] [ brian krakow | 3:08 PM | ] friday, february 14okay, if knowledge is the key then just show me the lockgot the scrawny legs but i move just like lou brock with speed. i'm agile plus i'm worth your while one hundred percent intelligent black child my optic presentation sizzles the retina how far must i go to gain respect? um well, it's kind of simple, just remain your own or you'll be crazy sad and alone -a tribe called quest, check the rhime- [ brian krakow | 7:19 PM | ] thursday, february 13wilma unlimited. a children's book author, kathleen krull, came into class today to talk to us. she was intelligent, funny, interesting and shared stories of her path to full time writer status. our class asked her questions about what it took to get there, how much it paid now that she's there, and where she gets her inspiration and her topics. the main thing i got out of the discussion was how difficult it would be to become a full time writer. writers don't get paid jack. no artist does. unless you are an abberation and end up very lucky. like jk rowling. did you know she's richer than the queen of england? the #$@*& queen of england!?!so the moral of the story is that a day job is needed. so it's time to find a day job. or you know, just...a job. i fear for our country when artists are forced to scrounge around begging for scraps. what happened to the days when artists lived lavishly and were rewarded for their creative brilliance? we need to set up an institutionalized patronage system. if you make six figures or over, you should be required to give a certain percentage to a starving artist. or if you make millions you should be made to support some artistic foundation. then again, i'm kind of against altruism so that would make me a hypocrite. oh well, that's nothing new. on another note. a girl in class today handed out valentine's to everyone. skittles bite sized candies in little red non-resaleable packages. mine said "call me" on the front and the back had my very own name written on it. spelled right and everything. it felt like middle school, when everybody got personalized valentine's day cards. how she remembered everybody's name is beyond me but it was awfully thoughtful of her. and it's not even technically valentine's day. i suppose it's sometimes a good thing to attend class regularly. [ brian krakow | 6:52 PM | ] wednesday, february 12ain't nobody dope as me i'm dressed so fresh so clean. five loads of laundry later i've achieved peace within the household. in my oh so clever way i stuffed all the junk thrown out in the garage into my car's trunk. actually, it's not even my car. or my trunk. or my clothes. if you break it down technically, i own nothing. the only thing i've bought with my very own money is.......ah, who the hell knows. material money, it's nothing right? except when you have to "live under my roof and under my rules." i'm gonna stop ranting about this mom thing. nothing to rant about. just things to do.i feel incredibly inspired right now. at this exact moment in time. i'm waiting for the feeling to pass. but for now i feel like i can do anything. take over the business, sell flutes to every needy child up and down the coast of the americas. triumph over laziness and general apathy. i can reach out and touch someone, and not make them cry. i can put gas into my car, so that it will finally start up. i can read read read and remember remember remember. i can journal things that i actually want to keep, instead of journaling things that really don't require permanence. i can write the best damn children's stories ever written. that sentence was probably the worst sentence possible. two "writes" is clearly a wrong. obviously the moment for things to be done has passed. i can see clearly now the rain is gone, i can see all obstacles in my way. gone are the dark clouds that had me blind. it's gonna be a bright, bright, sun-shiny day....fuck that. it's still raining outside. make it stop. [ brian krakow | 8:21 PM | ] in a fit of anger and frustration my mom decided to "clean up" for me. because it was eleven thirty and i had not fulfilled my promise to clean up my room "by tonight." understandable from her perspective of course. a promise is a promise of course of course. but in my immature defense, i had half an hour until i technically would have broken my promise. and anything can happen in half an hour. i'm still in high school. not literally. but close. what to do when people don't handle things in the "correct" manner? ie, my manner? i think there are certain ways to do things. at least from a person to person perspective. there is positive and negative reinforcement. and then there is the toss everything into the garage type of reinforcement. i understand of course. i just 180 no comply. friends who tell it like it is, and how it should be...shouldn't have left you, without a dope beat to step to. are pretty rare. and appreciated. BS is for strangers and the shallow. truth and honesty and lack of candy coating is the stuff that real friends are made of. responsiblity is the stuff that real adults are made of. so thus i'm still in juvenile delinquency. not a terrible thing. just a fact. tuesday, february 11we who look out with green eyed envy at the faces around us expose our insecurities, laundering and flashing them to the world. jealousy is the fear of being supplanted, apprehensive of losing affection or position. jealousy is binding ownership and constricting walls. jealousy creates slaves of its objects and demands attention and committment. jealousy supplants the rights of an individual and demands a power struggle between what is yours and what is mine. the face of jealousy is twisted and contorted, the eyes darting and probing. the mind of jealousy is fetid and putrid, scheming always to garner affection and influence. the caged bird is the symbol of jealousy, a creature built for the skies, blossoming on cerulean wings but cut off from its natural environment by unbending steel bars.chi tun loved cranes. he lived at yang shan east of shan. someone gave him two cranes. as they grew, they stirred their wings trying to fly. chi tun was reluctant to let them go and so cut their feathers. the cranes stirred hopelessly to fly and kept looking at their wings with head haning, much depressed. chi tun said, "since these creatures possess such a noble skyward gesture, how could they be willing to entertain only the eyes and the ears?" when the feathers had grown again, he released them to go. [ brian krakow | 10:40 PM | ] monday, february 10my mom is back from taiwan and china, after two months or so of working there and taking care of the business. the re-nagging started right as i came in the door. is that even a word? re-nag? same thing isn't it? to nag and re-nag. anyway, so yeah, i'm like all dulled up and toned out because i don't want to be paying attention to her even though i should. she was like "who slept over, why is this or that, did u take care of the car!?!" all that jazz and everything in-between. i didn't even have the heart to bust out the tattoo yet.i think it's a horrible situation for us to be in. her role as mom trying to be boss trying to be mom trying to be loving trying to instill in me responsibility. i wonder how she feels about it. i would like to tell her that i don't need instillment at this point. i either have it or i don't. nothing she can say or do will change that. it just creates more distance when she swings between amazon woman and mom person. sometimes i wish she would chill for a second and just be a mom (then again, she probably wishes i were a real boy so it's even). and to clearly separate the mom times and the boss times. instead of having it all mix together into one big time that is really nothing more than "stare at a spot and ignore" time. how do you tell your mom to chill out? [ brian krakow | 8:13 PM | ] it was pretty crazy. ccf circa 1996. gathered in my hometown. standing together outside on the curb, wondering what we should do next. some things don't ever change. some things do. everyone was spread out over the country and i had not kept in contact with many of them and had to get basic life facts down. this ccf get together was for a memorable once-in-a-lifetime occassion but it felt like the annual christmas banquet, especially as we stood at the end of the day, taking pictures by gender and by class. how odd it is, to see faces from the past but feel like it was just last week. some people had gotten a tad pudgier, a bit older, but not really. nobody had changed all that much, nobody had become unrecognizably different, physically or mentally. rolling into the wedding was like opening a box of mementos and being surprised, yet familiar, with each item. "oh, there's chris tsou. there's james! is that lenny? swee's singing? is that manfred?" even though i don't know much about these people or how their lives are or where they've gone, i know enough about them to be entirely comfortable just hanging out. like we never left before. will there be a gathering like this again? who knows. this one was a definite surprise and i can't really think of another occassion when this particular group will have reason to share the same space again. but it makes you nostalgic to be standing with people that you shared good times with, that you've progressed with and grown with. people that remind you the past and the present aren't always that far away. [pictures] ganked "obliquity of the ecliptic" from pz's blog because i like the sound of it and the meaning. it is the polar tilt that causes the earth to have seasons. sunday, february 9here is a picture of mewaiting at the gateway who knows if the spirit of man rises upward do not be afraid of those who kill the body [ brian krakow | 8:25 PM | ] saturday, february 8dr wilson, a renowned evolutionary biologist, proposes that religion - with all its institutional, emotional and prescriptive trappings - ranks as a kind of mega-adaptation: a trait that evolved because it conferred advantages on those who bore it.but whereas evolutionary biologists traditionally view an adaptation as the outcome of a struggle between unevenly matched individuals - say, between one polar bear with a cleanly cloaking white coat, and another with a slightly less effective form of camouflage - dr wilson sees religion as the product of group selection at work. this article touches on some ideas that i feel might be the root of all religion. at least for me. religion as social contruct and adaptation. religion evolved as a way to keep humans moving along and living harmoniously together. i'm gonna have to try to check out his book and see what his expanded ideas are. [ brian krakow | 3:11 AM | ] thursday, february 6a dime a dozen. when you grow up, as a child, talent was the biggest and best thing you could have. it was so bright and promising. "your child has talent." parents perk up a bit, the kid walks with a little stutter step thinking, "i have talent." where does this talent go? the thing you realize as you get older is that talent and intelligence and any innate ability is pretty much useless unless applied. how can anyone not realize this?it's easy to be lulled into a sense of security when you keep on thinking that talent will some day magically transform into skill. but nothing turns talent into skill except work. hard work even. talent is really just a barometer of how fast you can learn and how high you can achieve. whether or not you hit those heights are entirely up to you. i could never understand it when nba pundits would exclaim "derrick coleman is such a waste of gargantuan talent!" to me, why wouldn't dc want to be the best basketball player he could be? but now. now i know. sometimes if things come too easy, or seem too simple, there is no drive to improve or achieve. what separates the men from the boys is puberty and a work ethic. to create diamonds you need pressure, lots of it. and even then you need a skilled hand to cut it up into the beautiful perfect gem, glittering on somebody's left hand. if talent is black rock awaiting diamond transformation, there needs to be pressure and skill applied to it. talent will only get you a few encouraging words and a smile from your parents. that's it. skill gives you money, power, and respect. whatchu' need in life, when you eatin' right, help you sleep at night. it's the key to life. money, power, respect.....um, yeah. [ brian krakow | 8:38 PM | ] wednesday, february 5a million miles from nowhere, and right next door to your heart. after some discussion on flirting, i've concluded that sometimes flirting is just part of a person's personality. i'm not sure how exactly that works, because i do believe that flirting cannot exist in a vacuum but apparently it's not always flirting. the actions of flirting can just be natural, but it's not necessarily "flirting" until you are expecting a conclusion. anyway, enough of this.what is missing someone? it's easy to confuse "missing" with "loneliness." if you're sitting at home alone with nothing to do, you think around and miss whoever you most want to see. but that could just be a byproduct of sitting alone at home. i may not miss you, if it's not your particular prescence that i need right now. "missing" someone is when a moment could not be duplicated with anyone else. only billy bob would get this joke or only angelina would understand me. that is missing someone. when it's loneliness, that void can be filled with an alternative. missing crack? heroin is a subsitute. that kind of thing. when you break up with someone, or have someone out of your life, do you miss them during the loud or quiet times? do you miss them at parties when you're laughing it up and having fun? wishing that they were there? or are you more likely missing them when you're sitting at home engaged in jack. oftentimes, i will miss someone the most when i'm interacting with them. like "why don't we talk more?" but sometimes you can't talk to the people that you want to all the time. or you could, but somehow you can't (weird isn't it?). anyway. when a breakup happens (relationship or otherwise) be sure not to confuse loneliness with missing. you will be lonely, but that will pass. the missing doesn't really go away but that's something you just gotta deal with. remember, your parents walked to school through thundering snowstorms, uphills both ways. suck it up. [ brian krakow | 8:49 PM | ] monday, february 3your flirt finds me outteases the crack in me smittens me with hope possibly maybe, possibly maybe, possibly maybe -bjork, possibly maybe- flirting. what's the deal man? what is flirting? we know what it is but what is it for? it's definitely for something right? there is no flirting just for the sake of flirting is there? some people get affirmation, some people crave the attention, some people do it just to do it, because they are like wicked and nasty. but mostly flirting is our way of communicating with the other half. peacocks get feathers, we get flirting. god is a fair and just and a designer and a creator, we are not left defenseless and alone in the ways of flirtation. like our animal brethren we too are outfitted with weapons of destruction and attraction. then again, sometimes peacocks will just let fly their colors for no reason at all. not to attract attention but just because their ass/feather muscles need some stretching. so maybe there is something to just flirting for the sake of flirting. but i think that all flirting has a motivation and a purpose behind it. it's not even to "get the girl/guy" or anything as simple as that. sometimes flirting is like lifting weights, you want to slap on the twenties and see how much you can lift, just to do it, for no real purpose at all, except to show off. it's not only a game it's a very complex life or death game. a few things about flirting i need to put down, bear with me. if flirtation is naturally a part of you, should you stop it? should you turn off your charms? stop touching guy's arms? (yeah, that rhymed) is flirting bad? of course not, we all do it. some of us better than others but we all do it. we have our own ways of flirtation, whether it's that talk, or that walk, or that voice or that hug. whatever it is, we know what our strengths are. flirting is a conscious thing and you would be a liar if you said it wasn't. there is however, a difference between what you know is flirting and what other people construe as flirting. flirting is relative, as is everything else in the world. but moving right along. a big flirter, is that just like a trait? like oh, she's loud, she's obnoxious, she's a flirter... i think it is. some people just do it, it's a part of them. it's how they get from point A to point B. you can't stop it and you can't ask them to stop it. flirting is a natural right and possibly in the constitution or the bill of rights (did u know benjamin franklin was a big pimp and a womanizer? our founding fathers used their intelligence for more than designing this country, that's for sure). this does not mean however that you can't fight tooth and nail to prevent flirting in your immediate vicinity. if you have to protect your space, do so with swiftly, leave no evidence or bodies. don't let other peacocks pop their feathers in your face. survial of the fittest man. last thing, girls or guys who feel like they lack the flirting instinct. who feel that they have been disadvantaged by being given all the wrong color feathers, or even worse, no feathers at all. girls, i'm talking to you more, because if a guy doesn't flirt well, he just pretty much is resigned to playing video games all day. and blogging, let's not forget that. anyway. some girls i know say that they don't know "how to flirt." and none of the "flirting for dummies" books are helpful. should they be doing things different? dressing hoochier? showing more intelligence? showing less intelligence? laughing at jokes? licking their lips? baking cakes? a swang swanging that hair? what do they do? it's a big mystery. there are definitely things that girls can do to up their basic flirtation repertoire. guys are pretty dumb in general, we fall for the same tricks over and over again. you've seen lemmings just over the cliff time and time again, that's nature's equivalent to us males. so, an average girl really only needs on average, three tricks to be a successful flirter. but why change? why be a girl who has to "consciously" flirt? ah, but as i've mentioned up above, all flirting is already conscious. so it's not selling out if you have to be more conscious about it. just because flirting doesn't come naturally to you doesn't mean you don't do it. practice makes perfect my friends. try the "stupid" things that girls do, the batting the eyes, the leaning in, the grabbing of the arm, the make out while drunk thing. it's totally idiotic but it works. guaranteed. some girls may need to actually cut back on all that but it's a personal choice for them, we are not here to hate or to discriminate. flirt on people. it's your imperative as humans and american citizens to flirt. remember that four out of five insane would be world conquering dictators have been against flirting. so go to it. fight the power. am i done? far from it, but i have work to do. [ brian krakow | 3:58 PM | ] sunday, february 2a rabbi, a priest and a vicar walk into a bar. annalisa told me that judaism believes that all jews make it into heaven. however, there are apparently different levels of heaven. the better you do on earth, the better the heaven you get to go to. there's like a VIP heaven, a normal heaven and a bathroom heaven (with angelic attendents of course). if this is correct then where is the incentive to become a better person? without the threat of eternal damnation why bother going through the motions? why not convert, live the way you want to live and be assured of a guest list spot into the holiest of holies?this kind of bothers me and it seems like a cheapened version of what religion is supposed to be about. if there is no institutionalized motivating force to improve oneself and do the right thing then why bothering trying? the VIP heaven can't be that much better than the bathroom heaven. once you're in eternal bliss you're eternally blissful. eternal bliss squared might be better but it can't be by that much. now, if this were to be true (i want to research this idea first), i would be inclined to choose one of the other abramic religions. if you're gonna carry a stick you might as well make sure it's a big one. none of this "everyone gets in" business. what appeals to me about eastern religions/philosophies is the idea that you're not necessarily doomed if you don't follow their ways. one can search for enlightenment or whatever but that is more of a personal escape. if you don't want to do it then there are no hellish consequences. this means to me that if one followed the precepts of an eastern religion, the purpose would be to improve oneself, to find a way to live correctly and morally in this earthly life. but, if you don't care about correctly and morally you can just indulge in hedonistic fun and rot all the same. and if you don't mind living this life, reincarnation probably isn't a terrible end. however, without a barrier to entry and consequences to actions, would anyone really care who died for whom and sacrificed for what? if all that separates admittance into heaven and hell is mere belief with no righteous action, then why act righteously? [ brian krakow | 5:51 PM | ] saturday, february 1introducing......nanoj and joanna.[ brian krakow | 3:39 AM | ] |
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