So despite a self imposed curfew and plans to keep a low profile, stay in and study, I ended up wandering a fair amount all over san diego. One of the reason for this, was Evan Shiue, last name pronounced Shoe, yes that's a funky romanization, came down to visit SD for the first time in years. Ever since his parents moved, he hasn't been back, and I guess a lot has changed here in those years if I stop to think about it. It was definitely pretty interesting, as I haven't really seen the guy in the last five years or so. I find that a lot of people with asian or any highly conservative background and upbringing tend to change significantly during college. Not so much change I guess as much as actual personal growth and development. In that prior to college, we were all really mini-me's of our parents, programmed to talk and walk the same way they did when they grew up. One of my more prominent memories of Evan was when we were at Frank's house in middle school and one of our classmates, Justin Sabouri, a very loud Iranian guy, called Evan's house and left a prankish message about how he was "coming to get you." Evan's dad freaked out something holy and created a huge deal out of everything. I mean that's the type of parents we had.

Anyways, has he really changed? I'm not sure, he's basically the same guy, same sort of goofy but infectious laugh. I noticed he uses his "speech voice" more often now, especially when talking with new people or people he hasn't seen in a while. Perhaps it makes him seem more adult like. Otherwise, he's just a physically older version of the kid I knew. With a pretty nice car.

You can crash at my place anytime bro.

[ esca | 4:42 PM | ]

 

Random thought

In the grander scheme of things, which is the better deal? Good sex, bad relationship vs bad sex, good relationship? Or I guess the better standard, which one is more likely to last longer.

I'm feeling that there's no getting around bad sex.

[ esca | 4:15 PM | ]

 

So its a official now...my car is wrecked. Insurance contacted me this morning informing me that it was a total loss and that I ought to go car shopping. Poor hitomi. Probably in the near future, they are going to chop her up, salvage what few remaining pieces or engine components that are still functional, maybe strip her rims if they aren't too scrapped. Perhaps the seats...and the rest for scrap metal. And what a beautiful piece of scrap metal she was. I hope she becomes the foundation of some office building or something important like that.

So I guess its time to find a new car. I'm thinking A4 3.0, 350z, g35, 325, 330. My dad likes the A4 and its six airbags and steel reinforced chassis. It also has a full sized tire, not spare, in the trunk that doubles as a "safety feature" by providing extra reinforcement from getting rear ended. Any suggestions?

[ esca | 9:51 AM | ]

 

So here's the recap.

I was driving back to my place and was on the 52E to 15N intersection. I was on cruise control at 80mph. Normally, my car handles really well on turns and I didn't feel like taking the trouble to take off cruise and then having to reset it. I flew through the turn, and the next thing I know is, I've just slammed full force into the left side guard railing.

The rest of the ordeal played out like one of those slow motion action sequences. It is very surreal, because I can remember in very minute detail what had happened. As soon as I hit, the airbags both exploded and immediately I caught a whiff of a very acrid chemical smell. The airbags also released a very hazy gas that resembled a deep fog cover. At this point, my instincts were to slam on the brakes and try to regain control of my car. I skidded some more to the right side of the two lane bridge, hitting that railing. That was pretty scary as I had my full attention and could watch everything as it was happening. When I hit the railing, I saw pieces of my car chunk up accompanied by a very loud grating noise. Then I bounced back towards the left side, although by this point, the combination of moisture and the gas that had been released by the airbags had clouded up the front windshield and I had very little visibility. I lightly grazed the left side railing one more time and then I was able to completely stop my car. I had no idea where I currently was, so the first thing did, was step out of the car and look outside. As soon as I did that, a few cars buzzed right by me as I was basically in the middle of the road.

I got back in my car and tried to drive it someplace where it wouldn’t pose a danger to either myself or other cars, and slowly rattled my car off to the shoulder. I think at that point it finally clicked in my mind what had actually happened, while listening to the screeching noises my poor car was making. Everything was a mess.

The rest of the night was just horrible...emotionally and physically. I remember trying to just close my eyes and try to wish away the accident. The cops pulled over and asked me a barrage of questions. Was I hurt? Did I need to go to a hospital? What had happened? Were there other cars involved? Was I racing? Could identify my current location? I told them that I was driving with cruise on, and lost control, and that my brother was coming to pick me up, and that a tow truck was coming to remove the car. So, after making sure everything was ok, the cops left, and I stood outside in rain, so as not to get stopped again.

I remember standing outside, feeling wet, reaching down in my pockets and finding surprisingly, a crumpled but intact pack of parliaments and began to chain smoke while waiting for my bro. Looking at my car and thinking how simultaneously unfortunate, and fortunate I had just been. Crazy.

[ esca | 7:14 AM | ]

 

The cake doesn't look as pretty after you eat it...

The first time I ever heard the expression, can't have your cake and eat it too, it puzzled me like no other. I guess it sounded fishy to me, as if it were some sort of brain teaser that you could figure out. To this day even, I think I'm trying to figure it out still, literally, as well as figuratively. I mean, you don't have to really eat the whole thing right? You probably would get sick afterwards. Maybe if you just tried some of the frosting. Or you could build an intricate series of tunnels and trap doors and eat the cake from inside out, preserving the external appearance, while meanwhile satisfying your taste buds....

How many people actually try this in real life? Try to straddle the line on issues that really can't be straddled? Well, I can't decide between liking person A and liking person B...I guess I'll just go with both of them. Yeah, that always works out well. I've come to the conclusion that the only way to have the best of both worlds, is to not make a decision. To push yourself to the apex of the fork in the road and unpack your bags, set up camp, and slow roast some marshmallows over a warm fire. No? Isn't that what everyone subconsciously does?

Think about it, whenever faced with a truly difficult decision, a truly balanced decision, sometimes its not so much the results of the choices that appeal to us, but the actual choices themselves. Choices in life, forks in the road that lead to those pots of gold. Walking through some doors, necessarily closes other doors. The people who are unready to make a career choice and unready to graduate. What do they really mean when they say they can't decide on picking a path? They really mean they are unready to give up on some other paths. The people who can't commit to a relationship. What do they really mean? They are unready to give up on other potential relationships that they might otherwise have. When someone can't decide if those shoes really will make the outfit, means they have a picture in their head right now about those other 15 shoes working with the outfit.

Sometimes, its not really choosing something...but choosing against everything else that binds us to the ground.

[ esca | 9:30 PM | ]

 

Circumstance and Pomp?

Today is my brother's high school graduation, six years apart from mine. It is a little bit on the surreal side. Part of having a younger sibling is having this mindset that you are insurmountably older, but one by one, Andrew is going through the same things that I did. He's my "baby" brother, although he's now a lot bigger than me, the person who used to tag along and play fortress and make believe swordplay. Congrats, congrats.

[ esca | 9:16 AM | ]

 

Hugs, and not the hersey kind, although those are good too

It was brought up to point in a recent conversation, that the male species in general maybe suffering from touch starvation. With the side corollary that this is the cause of the rest of our issues. Anyways, we'll shake hands with another guy, and if we're really close, there's always the one arms behind the back pat, but how many guys feel comfortable giving a warm crushing embrace to a fellow...well fellow?

Factor in girls into this equation, and yes males will hug females, but these are usually "social hugs," heavy on politeness, light on the emphasis, top heavy all around. For many reasons probably.

Imagine then, having a cuddle friend, so to speak. I mean, ink it in blood or something to never ever ever go beyond cuddling, but imagine how nice it would be to take out the stress of the world in the arms of a platonic cuddle friend. Assuming of course you don't have a significant other, but then again, you might still wanna try this. Guilt free, consequence free, unadulterated contact and affection. My, we could probably create world peace with this.

[ esca | 10:03 AM | ]

 

when high schoolers attack...

I was driving back from the eye doctor and I was waiting at the 56-15 intersection, when I saw a car apparently turn off in front of another car. Two girls, high schoolish pseudo ghetto fab, then jumped out of the car and proceeded to attack the car in the most sissy looking way possible, as in awkward kicking and arm flailing. This was far enough out of audible range, which I so wish I could have heard the "exchange". As is, after about 30 sec of this "brutal" assault, the driver who I couldn't see through his tinted windows, but was in a lowered eclipse, drove around the car that was blocking it, and sped off on the 56.

Very very weird...

[ esca | 12:09 PM | ]

 

kiss kiss...

Why do girls insist on kissing each other when they get drunk? Is it because of the positive reinforcement they get? When two girls kiss at a party, they quickly become the center of attention. Why is it appealing to guys? Because you it plants the image of you of kissing either of the girls. Its not interesting to say watch a guy kiss another girl, because you don't want to be involved in that situation, they are probably perfectly happy kissing each other. When two girls kiss, its assumed that the be all and end all isn't just kissing each other, and maybe in your wildest dreams you may end up in the middle.

I also tried to blow a fireball with bicardi 151 but instead I just blew spit. Played indian poker with excessively drunk ppls. Out drank the competition, although I did have about 3-4 hrs head start, so I really only out drank girls, but I won nevertheless! Yes, go me!

[ esca | 10:28 AM | ]